Saturday, March 13, 2010

War Machine Attempts to Sell Organs on eBay to Pay Legal Fees - The Long Strange Trip of Jon Koppenhaver


Former UFC fighter and current porn star Jon Koppenhaver, whose name has been legally changed to War Machine due to a trademark dispute, has now officially surpassed Junie Browning as the most notorious fighter in MMA. On March 13, 2010, War Machine posted an eBay listing for a "28 year old pro athlete piece of liver or kidney" with a starting bid of $50,000 and customer-friendly free shipping! While he didn't actually specify if the organs for sale were his, or perhaps from some other 28-year-old athlete stored in his freezer, it would seem offering any organs for sale, even if they're your own, is likely not legal in the United States. This eBay listing (which surely won't last long) could be the cause of yet another War Machine mugshot.

eBay Description:
My fiance is in immigration detention and I NEED money for lawyers. I'm a 28 year old professional athlete. VERY healthy and seriously ready to do this. E-Bay will disable this ad soon so send me a message with your phone number. Lets make this happen.

War Machine is no stranger to criminal activity. In September 2007, the then-Jon Koppenhaver was found guilty of striking a man and choking him unconscious in a parking lot brawl. War Machine remains on probation for this conviction, which was handed down just weeks before the premiere of The Ultimate Fighter 6: Team Hughes vs. Team Serra. Koppenhaver was featured on TUF 6, and lost in the opening round to eventual runner-up Tommy Speer by decision. Despite his tournament loss, Koppenhaver was given a spot on the UFC TUF 6 Finale card, and put on a spectacular show, winning Fight of the Night honors in a KO victory over Jared Rollins. Koppenhaver lost his next UFC bout by submission in less than a minute to Yoshiyuki Yoshida. Koppenhaver was released from the UFC after rejecting a fight with Brandon Wolff, and for posting the following on his MySpace account about the death of UFC veteran Evan Tanner:
What else is an underpaid fighter supposed to do at the end of his career? Cash in his 401K? Collect social security? Start to work some shit job for 10 bucks an hour? (MMA) ain’t boxing, and if you’re not Chuck [Liddell] or Tito Ortiz, you don’t get paid dick.
War Machine had this to say to the MMAjunkie about fighting Brandon Wolff at the time:
Who in the hell is Wolff? So, I looked him up and made some phone calls. I’ve got a lot of friends in Hawaii — ‘Rude Boy’ (Troy Mandaloniz), Kendall Grove, my trainer. I got the same thing from everybody. They all said the guy is savage, sick, tough as hell, a really tough fighter and a really tough fight. Basically we all came to the conclusion that I have nothing to gain from the fight. I want to fight someone with a name. I said, ‘Give me Josh Burkman. Give me Dustin Hazelett. Give me someone with a name.’
Instead, Koppenhaver was given his UFC walking papers, and the real War Machine was born. This would only be the beginning of his words (via his fingers) getting him into trouble. In early 2009, War Machine was signed to the upstart MMA promotion Bellator Fighting Championships. The signing would be short-lived, however, as he took to MySpace again, this time to write a death wish for the newly-elected President Barack Obama.
I hope someone smokes that f-cker and every president to come until they can actually give us a candidate that is truly one of THE PEOPLE.
Despite his subsequent pleas of freedom of speech, War Machine was given his Bellator walking papers before he even got to fight for the promotion.

Now, War Machine spends most of his time unleashing his inner demons via 140-character Tweets. It is not unusual to log onto Twitter late at night to find him on a drunken rant, giving graphic details about his sexual activities and desires, drug use, or expressing his hatred of life, threatening suicide...or worse. Several months ago, War Machine was interviewed by the FBI due to comments he made on Twitter about killing himself and taking all his enemies with him. Although he wasn't charged with any crimes for his drunken murder-suicide Tweets, War Machine did change his Twitter account to private after that.

Due to his outrageous online rants putting a damper on his MMA income, forcing him to accept smaller payouts on the independent scene, War Machine decided to take the next logical step in an already insane narrative, and became a full-fledged porn star. On Halloween 2009, War Machine made the following announcement online:
So I said f-ck it! I signed with LA Direct Models this week and today I did my first porn scene! (laugh out loud) I shot for Digital Playground with their girl Riley Steele, was f-cking awesome! I was nervous as sh-t but I came through. I'm still gonna fight, just gonna do this too because fighting isn't quite enough money and you all know I ain't trying to work! In life I have come to learn that all I enjoy is eating, sleeping, fighting and f-cking! F-ck it! I'm living the dream, getting PAID to fight and f-ck! What more could I ask for?
As probably should be expected when a mentally unhinged prize fighter joins the drug-addled porn scene, chaos would soon ensue. War Machine was arrested again in November 2009, this time for attacking a group of people at porn starlet Brooke Haven's birthday party. He originally fled the scene before police arrived, and was arrested several days later. War Machine was said to have been fighting up to a dozen people, including sending his porn manager to the hospital, and there are conflicting reports that he struck his porn star girlfriend Alanah Rae. The action-adventure scene reportedly started after War Machine became angry that Rae, who works as a stripper and has sex for money on camera, was flirting with other men at the party. In a text to Terez Owens, Haven described the melee:
So far, War Machine broke one guy’s jaw. Another guy received staples in his head. A third person walked away with a broken nose. Several others walked away with scrapes, bruises and cuts.
War Machine, who if nothing else has been at the forefront of utilizing social networking, albeit to his own demise, tweeted about the incident shortly afterwards, writing on Twitter:
F-ck...last night was NOT good...lil' misunderstanding and then WM was back in effect and the bodies hit the floor. I'm f-cked...Pretty sure my porn days are over. Prolly be going to jail too...when they find me...haha!
They did find him. And he did go to jail. But he's out now. And looking to sell his organs on eBay to pay his legal fees, which may now include an illegal immigrant girlfriend.

War Machine explained his desire to sell his organs with the following Tweets from his official Twitter account in the wee hours of the morning on March 13, 2010:
How can I sell a kidney or piece of liver??? SERIOUSLY!?
F-CK A LAW!!! If you know someone who needs a kidney or piece of liver hit me up NO JOKE! I'm healthy and FOR SALE!
Pass it along to any well off sick friends or family NO JOKE!
My fiance is in immigration jail and I have two other court cases in Vegas...I NEED money! Someone needs LIFE! Let's do it!
I'm the most loyal son of a bitch there is! I sell my organs for the people I love! I'm serious! This is win win! I get $$ your fam-LIFE!
F-CK the USA! Can't even sell a f-cking kidney!? WTF!?
IT'S MINE!
What kind of "free" country is it if I can't sell my organs!??? WTF!?
F-CK THE USA!!!!! F-ck everyone! I just want to be happy! Let me sell my shit! It's mine bitches!
Bitches! My organs are strong! I'm hard as f-ck! Buy my organs! Tell your fam!
F-ck all the bullshit! Sick of it! I wanna be free! Really free not this gay America shit!
To be continued...

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